Things left unsaid...

In comparison to all that I'm figuring out/experiencing, THIS BLOG IS WORTHLESS. I would apologize for how bad a representation of my trip this is, but hey T.I.A. (This is Africa!), my friends. Firstly, i don't know if i can ever truly express all this means to me. Secondly, the internet has been down for a about a month. And thirdly, i just don't know if i'm ready to stumble over my words...words that just might not make sense...words that could get in the way.

I could start this off by describing all the events-those are the easy ones to express- that i've left out. I guess I never really told you what my Mukono home stay was about! I stayed with an absolutely amazing family: Mama Winifred, Joa (16), Samula (15), and Jane (9). The father of the family tragically overdosed and passed away 3 years ago. Their home is small and tidy (one of the wealthiest 3% in Uganda simply because they have electricity, but keep in mind that they have a 2 room home and no running water...different than wealth in the states? I think so..). They showed me more love than i could ever express. Every night i came home from school, they ran to me and greeted me as if i'd been gone for years. I lived with them for 2 weeks. I ate what they ate, did what they did, pooped where they pooped (a hole:), and loved them as they loved me. I have had the amazing opportunity to continue visiting them every Sunday and i can't tell you how much i'm going to miss them when i leave. (Again, this is a very sad portrayal of what my time with them really means, so please, just ask me)

After leaving home stays we went to Entebbe to the Honors college retreat with the amazing Ugandans that we live with on campus. They welcomed us more than i could have ever imagined. We stayed at the same convent that we had been to our first night in Uganda. We played silly "get-to-know-you" games and had a surprising amount of fun doing it! Saturday we went to Lake Victoria for some swimming in leach/parasite infested waters! Haha, I'm happy to say i wasn't bothered by either. We went to the Entebbe zoo later and then back to the convent. Saturday night was the most fun part of the whole weekend because we started to build genuine relationships with the Ugandan students. A group of us played "hot seat" (according to my friend Jonathan "Tension" Otim) where we were asked to discuss difficult issues. We talked until 2 am about poverty, corruption, and Christianity. It was both intense and amazing. This weekend brought us all very close together and opened up so many new doors of opportunity. I'm happy to say that these have been lasting and wonderful friendships that i will mourn the loss of at our departure...

The next weekend (which was probably around the middle of February..hah i can't even remember any more) a group of us went to Jinja to see the source of the Nile! We got to go on a sweet boat tour to see where the waters of Lake Victoria meet with the NILE. It might seem anti-climactic from my pictures, but i assure you- it was humbling to stand in front of the source of such a mighty (and Historically important) river! Friendships with my fellow USPers (Uganda Studies Program) were becoming more and more valuable with each new trip.

Another trip taken to Jinja was our unbelievable rafting excursion, previously described by yours truly. Hopefully from reading that blog you get a small picture of how intense it was. Good golly.

Trips to Kampala have been scattered throughout my semester. I don't even know how many times i've been to this crazy city (I'm here right now). If i could paint a picture in your mind of this place i surely would, but i really think you just have to come see it for yourself. Matatus (Taxi vans) and Boda-Boda's (motorcycle taxis) swerving insanely on roads with no traffic laws. Men selling odds and ends on the streets, quite literally walking up to your window offering things that nobody needs. African markets with all the souveniers you could ever want, but be ready to bargain so you don't get stuck with the Mzungu (White person) price. Restaurants and cafes. Pineapples and Mangoes. Trash and dirt. Random shopping mall: Garden City, where you find many a mzungu and buy overpriced American food. Loud music. Smiling faces. Excitement and depression. So many people working hard, yet doing nothing. Setting out goods that no one can afford...KAMPALA

The next big big event was our rural home stay. We traveled to the distant village of Soroti to stay in huts with bare minimum (or so i thought). We were paired with other USP students on what i thought would be the most intense 5 days of this trip. We pulled up to our home and found it to be the wealthiest we had seen in Uganda yet. Nicole and I stayed in our own HOUSE (not hut) with solar electricity and running water! Our family had 40 acres, 5 huts, 2 houses, 2 cars, 2 kitchens, and as i said, solar power and running water. I was so disappointed in not only their wealth, but also the fact that we didn't get to participate in rural life AT ALL! This may sound horrendously selfish, but the whole point of this trip was to teach us all about how the majority of Ugandans live...we didn't get anything close to that. We laid around and ate...that's about all. I am still not sure what to think about the whole thing. Our Papa was definitely wonderful and he imparted a lot of knowledge to us since he was formerly involved in East African politics. But our Toto (mother) barely even spoke to us. She cooked all day outside with the house girls. I thought it terribly confusing that a family of insane wealth (for Uganda) would still have the woman always cooking and nothing else. She lives her life from meal to meal, like almost every other Ugandan woman and the thought of living that way absolutely suffocates me. I spent my rural home stay bored and frustrated with they way things are, with the fact that I can't do anything about it, and most of all with the fact that maybe no one wants my help. My western mind and independent spirit were (and still are) confused at best, but mostly just angry. But now i'm getting into much more than just rural home stays...shame on me. I'll vent later.

Directly after rural/disappointing home stays, we went to a Peace Promoter's retreat. We traveled to a distant village that had not only been attacked by the LRA (Lord's Resistance Army), but also the Karamajong (Cattle raiders from the East). The LRA invaded in 2003, killing 107 innocent civilians and forcing hundreds more into internally displaced people's camps (that have horridly unsanitary conditions and poor treatment from governmental officials-rape, theft, and abuse). The Karamajong devastated this farming community and displaced hundreds more. Try coming up with something to say to people who've experienced all this and live in constant fear; that's how we felt. Pastor Sam (the leader of the peace promoter's group) said that true peace for these people is the ability to go to sleep without locking your hut and still being able to wake up without being beaten to death. That's quite a different picture of peace than our own, isn't it? This day was frustrating and difficult. Haven't worked it out in my head, like so many other things on this trip.

After that, we got a short mental break from devastation. We went to Sipi Falls in Kapchorwa, Uganda (central eastern Uganda). We camped out, ate wonderful food, and got to go on an all day hike that Saturday to 3 of the waterfalls. The hike was probably the most wonderful thing thus far! Some of the honors college students came with us on our journey. We started at the top of the cliff and hiked down through people's cabbage patches and yards! It was beautiful in a way that i've never known before. We climbed around all the falls and got a wee bit wet, of course! We hiked down crazy ladders and watched little Ugandan children basically run up them with bundles on their heads like it was no big deal, as we struggled to keep from falling! On the last fall, some of us climbed around the side to go behind the water. While on the rocks, i looked up to watch the sun reflecting off the falling water. Most awe-inspiring sight thus far in my life. No camera could have captured that goodness. Saturday night we all went up to the look-out point and stared at the stars. Again, sweet, indescribable goodness.

Our return to campus was surprisingly comforting. Cold concrete floors, squeaky doors, having to carry toilet paper to the bathrooms, cock roaches in the sinks, random rats in the restroom, rabid dogs barking up a storm, freezing showers, dirty feet, sitting in class learning about insanely impossible issues, rice and beans, Ugandan dorm mates singly loudly 6 am, and mosquito nets. i never knew i could feel this way. i'm going to miss it. Friendships, smiles, laughter, tears, joy, anger, confusion, resolution (? just kidding, i haven't had much of that), sweet pain. Have you felt it? Do you understand it? Maybe I'm way behind...or maybe you should take a little trip to Africa to see it for yourself. Don't come here to evangelize or to pretend that you're saving anyone's soul. Come here to live with these people. To smile joyfully with them, to wail mournfully with them, to cook, to dig, to work, to sit in the afternoon sun doing absolutely nothing, to be confused, to be frustrated, to go without, to trust in God in the most overwhelming situations of your life. Come to Africa just to be here...then maybe you'll be able to help me make sense of all this.